


Loss and Comfort (HEAVILY edited)

by orphan_account



Category: 1917 (Movie 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Artists, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Eating Disorders, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Semi Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, believe me it’s rough in the first bit but then it gets super cute and fluffy, just read the note before each chapter for potential triggers for said chapter, selectively mute Will, someone please hug my boys, sounds horrible but I swear it gets better, we’ll make it through with our emotional support joeslie in the first bit of this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:07:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23837317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tom didn’t believe in love after his most recent relationship went extremely awry. But then he meets Will, and he starts to question his opinions on love.
Relationships: Joseph Blake/Lieutenant Leslie, Tom Blake/William Schofield
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	1. QUICK NOTE

Okay, so I took down the original loss and comfort cause I had LOTS of new ideas for it and new ideas for the plot. So the theme of the story is the exact same, just a very different plot. I also really wanted to try my hands at angst since I rarely do it. And this was a good way to do it. 

Obviously, if you read the tags, there’s going to be some potentially triggering content. So if you want to read the story, but fear some parts might be triggering, fear not for I will put a chapters specific triggers in the notes before each chapter. So make sure to peep those. 

I also wanted to try and make this a bit more realistic since I felt the og one wasn’t. So some parts are based off of personal experiences. But of course this is fanfic so some parts are not true in the slightest. 

Thank you for reading! Remember to take care of yourself and stay safe! (I would say happy reading but let’s be honest here this is gonna hurt like a bitch for a little)


	2. The final nail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom thinks back on everything that had happened to him, and can’t cope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️TRIGGERS: mentions of drug use, alcoholism, abusive relationship, physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse, rape, cheating, blood, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt⚠️
> 
> There is some fluff at the end though!

Tom looked at his reflection in the dirty mirror. His eyes were red from crying, tear stains lining his cheeks, with dark circles under his eyes, his lip was busted and bleeding from him biting it so much. He was a far cry from the person he used to be. His eyes used to be full of life, some used to even say animated. His cheeks were fuller and always had a light blush dusting them. Now he was a mere shell of his former self. 

He was ashamed to put it lightly. Ashamed of himself for thousands of reasons, yet he couldn't bring himself to get mad at the person who deserved it most. His ex boyfriend Andrew. 

Andrew started off fine enough, doted over Tom and made him feel like the most important person in the universe. Then things soured quickly once they went to university together and were away from their families. 

Andrew started drinking and using drugs. Started skipping classes. Berated and insulted Tom constantly. He would openly cheat on Tom as well, sometimes kicking him out of their flat when he brought a new boy home. But Tom didn't have it in him to leave Andrew. 

He kept telling himself that things would change, they just needed time to adjust. 

He repeated that to himself when Andrew would yell at him, beat him, fuck other boys right in front of him, and so on. 

He'd tell himself that deep down Andrew still loved him. He was just affected by all the freedom they had. 

He sat there quietly when Andrew got in his face screaming at him and insulting him. 

Andrew has called him every name in the book. Worthless, fat, whore, slut, bitch, coward, each one getting progressively worse. 

He'd go on several hour long rants about how awful Tom was, and how nobody would love him, and how he was all Tom could hope to get, and how grateful Tom should be for him sticking around. 

Tom tolerated it, never having it in himself to fight back. He never liked conflict. So he remained complacent. 

Even when his brother Joe and his boyfriend Leslie came for a visit. He sat there silently as Andrew went on a drunken rant about how stupid Tom could be. 

Averting Joe's and Leslie's concerned gazed. Avoiding their questions, quickly changing the subject. Or just laughing off all the things he said. 

He didn't put up a fight when Andrew forced him to block Joe and Leslie on all forms of social media and their number. He let Andrew get him a new phone with a new number. He let Andrew force him to get rid of his social media. And the constant phone checks. 

He didn't object when Andrew forced them to move somewhere more isolated, and made Tom drop out of university. 

He never made a sound during the beatings. Not when his hair was pulled. Not when he was shoved into walls. Not when he was pushed to the ground. Not when he was kicked. Not when he was punched. Not when he was slapped. Not when he was scratched. Not when he was bitten. Not the occasional lighter burn. Not the occasional cut from a knife or other sharp object. Not when he got thrown down a flight of stairs. Not when Andrew would attempt to strangle him. Not when he got spat on. 

He had grown to believe that he had deserved it. That he had made a mistake, no matter how small or imaginary, and deserved to be punished. 

He especially didn't make a noise when Andrew would rape him. Knowing it would only make it that much worse. And knowing that fighting back or resisting would only draw it out. 

That was just how life was he would tell himself. Some people were dealt good hands, some were dealt shitty hands, and he got the bad hand. He accepted it. 

He grew to believe the false things Andrew would tell him. 

'Of course I love you Tommy.'

'I really do hate doing this to you, but it's the only way you'll learn.' 

'It hurts me to hurt you, so don't think I'm enjoying this.' 

It got to the point that when Joe and Leslie managed to find him and showed up to get him out while Andrew was away, he was hesitant to leave. 

But they convinced him, and he left with them. 

Andrew never did look for him. He never called or texted him, asking where he was. Never came after him. 

It was like he had expected it, and didn't care enough about him to seek him out. It hurt Tom. He felt betrayed. As if he had gone through hell for nothing. 

For the first two months of living with Joe and Leslie he was angry. Felt like they had taken him from the love of his life. 

No matter how much they tried to explain how awful the situation was, Tom didn't care. 

He lashed out on them for no reason, his in his room for days on end, didn't take care of himself. 

He didn't snap out of it until one night when he heard Joe crying and talking to Leslie about how worried he was over Tom. The guilt nearly made him sick. 

He hated the fact he was hurting his brother, his main supporter. And he hated himself for hurting Leslie, who also supported and cared for him wholeheartedly. 

And on the nights he’d wake up screaming from a nightmare, he’d allow himself to be comforted. 

If he struggled with a panic attack, he allowed them to talk him through it. 

When he had flashbacks he allowed them to help bring him back to the present. 

But of course, you can’t just get over something like that. It lingers. Never really leaves. 

Tom’s filled with fear anytime he sees the scars on his body. Or when someone yells too loud. Or when someone moves too suddenly. 

Even though he was more accepting to their help, he gradually deteriorated. His depressive episodes became worse, more intense. 

His flashbacks became more vivid, to the point he couldn’t discern what was real and what wasn’t. 

His nightmares became more frequent and intense. Most nights he found himself in his bed sandwiched between Leslie and Joe as they tried to soothe him back to sleep. 

And as he declined, Joe and Leslie scrambled to find ways to help him. But sometimes people can’t be saved, or Tom was at least convinced of this. 

All of that brought him to his current situation. 

Staring, well more like glaring, at his own reflection. Sick and tired of himself. Searching for a way out. 

Leslie and Joe were both at work, which meant there was nobody he could talk to. And all he had for company was his thoughts. 

He clenched his jaw and scowled, punching the mirror in frustration. It shattered and shards fell into the sink, onto the counter, and onto the floor. 

He looked at his fist. It was cracked and bleeding in places, but nothing to severe. It only burned but the burn was so incredibly intoxicating to Tom. 

He wanted to feel more of it.

No.

He needed to feel more of it. 

He picked up the sharpest shard he saw. He held it in his hand, feeling the coolness in contrast to his warm skin. 

He held it up to the light and watched the light bounce off of it. 

It was sickening the way he admired it. And deep down he knew he was messed up for being so enraptured by the shard of glass. 

But it could be the answer to all of his problems. His savior, if you will. 

His stomach filled with butterflies as he quickly calculated a plan. 

He took off his flannel so he was just in his short sleeve shirt and got in the bathtub. 

He sent Leslie and Joe quick goodbye texts. Then got to work. 

He grunted in pain and discomfort as he dragged the jagged shard up his wrist. 

Blood spilled out, the crimson striking against the white of the tub. 

He moved on to his other wrist and repeated the action. 

His vision became foggy and his head felt heavy. He dropped the glass and slid down. Closing his eyes as he felt more and more weightless each second. 

Then he slipped from consciousness. 

Joe and Leslie arrived at their house at the same time, both equally frantic trying to figure out what the hell Tom meant by ‘thank you for everything, but this is goodbye’. 

They rushed in and Joe’s gut instinct told him to check in the bathroom first. He ran to it and kicked the door open and screamed at the sight he was greeted with. 

Leslie came running up behind him and looked in the room, audibly gasping. 

“Oh. My. God! I’ll call an ambulance.” 

Leslie called the paramedics while helping Joe stem the bleeding. Tom was still breathing and still had a pulse. But both were sparse, and fading slowly but surely. 

“No!” Joe wailed, “I can’t lose you Tommy! I need you here! You’re my baby brother and I’m supposed to protect you!” 

Leslie held back his tears as he continued helping Joe. Wanting to remain strong for his lover. 

Once the paramedics got there, Tom was quickly taken away. Joe opted to stay behind and help Leslie clean up, despite Leslie telling him he didn’t have to. 

“I just need to be with you...” Joe breathed once the paramedics left. 

“I know,” Leslie hummed, “But you don’t have to clean this.” 

“It’ll be easier if we both do it. You can’t stop me.” 

Leslie surrendered. It scared him to his core to see him so terrified and erratic. Joe usually was incredibly stoic. Only crying if something had been bothering him for a while, and built up so much that crying was the only relief. 

Not once had he seen him so scared or uncertain. Joe cleaned the mess with a faraway look in his eyes. Leslie watched him carefully, prepared to make him stop if he became too wound up. 

As Leslie cleaned up the broken mirror he tried to figure out if there were any warning signs he or Joe had potentially missed. They had been doing everything they could to help him, and to get him counseling. 

But there were always long waitlists. And even though Joe was a therapist, he wasn’t allowed to see Tom as a patient due to their family connection. 

Once the mess was cleaned Joe’s initial wave of panic left his body, leaving him exhausted. He fell against Leslie, and Leslie held him up. 

“You’re alright. It’s okay.” 

“No it’s not.” Joe mumbled tiredly. 

Leslie asked, “Do you wanna head to the hospital?” 

“No. I’m mad at him.” 

Leslie was about to ask why, but thought better of it. Anger was common in family of those have attempted suicide. 

He helped clean Joe up before taking care of himself. Then he took him to the living room, resting him on the couch. Leslie made them some tea and sat next to Joe. 

Joe curled into his side, face blank. Leslie held him and kissed his temple. Joe’s phone rang and he answered it. 

Joe hung up shortly after and said, “Tom’s going to be alright. They said we could go visit him.” 

“Do you want to?” 

Joe shook his head, “I don’t want to see him right now. You can if you want though. I won’t stop you.” 

Leslie was shocked but knew better than to confront him about it. 

“I will. I don’t want him thinking we’re mad at him.” 

“I am.” 

“Why?” 

“How could he be so selfish? I mean? We got him out of the situation with Andrew, took him in, have helped him, and this is what he does to us!” 

Leslie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He wanted to argue his point but decided against it. He knew Joe didn’t mean the things he was saying. He was worked up, stressed, scared, and upset. And seeing your brother dying in a bathtub isn’t exactly a sight anyone wants to see. 

Joe said, “Tell him I’m pissed off at him.” 

Leslie shook his head, “I’m not going to. I’m not telling someone who just tried to kill themself that their brother that they love dearly is pissed at them. It won’t end well.” 

Leslie watched the fight drain out of Joe. Replaced with body wracking sobs. He frowned and went to him. 

He bent down and kissed Joe’s forehead. 

Joe cried, “It hurts!” 

“I know darling. I know.” 

Leslie placed Joe’s head against his chest, Joe’s arms wrapping around his waist, clinging to him as if Leslie would disappear should he let go. 

“I’m a horrible brother...” 

Leslie shook his head, “No. Your not. What your experiencing, your thoughts and feelings, are normal. You should know this, you’re a therapist.” 

“It’s different when it’s myself. I feel...horrible for feeling this way.” 

“I know you do, but you can’t punish yourself for it either.” 

Joe sniffles and held Leslie tighter, “Leslie?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I love you.” 

Leslie smiled, “I love you too.” 

Leslie tilted Joe’s head up and pecked him on the lips, nose, cheeks, and forehead. He then played a little with Joe’s fluffy hair. 

“I want you to get some rest while I’m out. Okay?” 

Joe nodded in response. 

Leslie said , “I’ll be back in a little bit.” 

They shared a soft kiss, then Leslie was out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably one of the roughest chapters tbh. 
> 
> Suicide hotline(US): 1-800-273-8255  
> Crisis text line: text ‘HOME’ to 741741
> 
> Comments are appreciated! ❤️❤️


	3. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leslie goes to the hospital to see Tom, it’s a lot more eventful than he anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️⚠️Potential triggers: mention of suicide attempt, severe guilt, fighting⚠️⚠️

Tom slowly opened his eyes and winced at the bright light above him. 

He mumbled, "Am I dead?" 

A familiar voice said, "Fortunately, you're still alive kiddo." 

He looked in the direction of the voice and rubbed his eyes to get the blurriness out of them, "Leslie?" 

"Mm-hm. It's good to see you." 

"What the fuck happened to me? I don't remember anything." 

Leslie slid his chair closer to Tom's bed and he studied the younger man silently. His skin was pale, and shiny with a cold sweat, his eyes had dark circles under them. 

It made Leslie's stomach churn. 

He'd met Tom when he was still only 14 years old. And up until he had turned 18 he was full of energy and life. Always having a lively flush on his cheeks, excitement in his eyes, and was always well rested. 

He wanted to kill Andrew for what he had done to Tom, sure he was only his boyfriends little brother, but he loved Tom as if he were his own little brother. 

Always trying to keep an eye on him. Trying to keep him out of dangerous situations. And so on. 

The sight before him scared him, to put it lightly. This wasn't the Tom he'd come to know and care for. This was practically a stranger. Had been that way since they'd rescued him. 

Leslie said, "Surely you remember something." 

Tom shook his head, "All I know is I'm in a lot of pain." 

"Look at your arms, perhaps that'll jog your memory." 

Tom did and gasped, "I tried to kill myself...I slit my wrists with a shard from the mirror..." 

Leslie nodded solemnly. 

Tom then looked away, suddenly ashamed. 

"Sorry about the mirror and whatever mess I made. I didn't mean it. I was-"

Leslie took one of his hands in his, "It's fine. These things happen. And believe me, you being alive totally makes up for it." 

Tom nodded, "Wait. Where's Joe?" 

Leslie said, "He's at home. Resting." 

"Is he mad at me?" 

"No. Not at all. He's just tired and a little worked up." 

"Are you sure?" 

Leslie nodded, "Absolutely. You gave us quite the scare kid." 

Tom blushed, "Sorry...I-I wasn't thinking." 

Leslie gave Tom's hand a gentle squeeze. 

"You don't need to be sorry. It's okay to break sometimes. Everyone expresses it and deals with it differently. It's just...you should've come to one of us. We would've been more than willing to talk to you. Especially Joe. He cares about you. And worries about you. It's been tearing him up to see you like this. And he wants nothing more than to help. You just make yourself very hard to reach sometimes." 

Tom bit his lip, guilt filling his body.

Leslie sensed it and squeezed his hand a little, "It's not your fault. He's just a bit bull headed." 

Tom snorted a smile ghosting over his face, "Don't I know. How do you handle him sometimes? I mean he is a massive sweetheart but ugh." 

Leslie chuckled, "Sometimes just kissing him stupid is all it takes."

Tom smiled a little more, and Leslie felt a sense of pride at that. 

“Do you need me to get you anything at the moment?” 

“No. I’m fine. Although, I do have a question.” 

“And what would that be?” 

Tom fidgeted with the blanket, no longer meeting Leslie’s gaze. The sudden shift concerned him. 

“Joe really is mad at me, isn’t he? Please don’t lie...” 

Leslie sighed, the action taking all the breath from his body. 

Tom whimpered, “He is.” 

Leslie wracked his brain quickly searching for the right thing to say. Tom was in a fragile state, and he didn’t want to know what would happen if he said the wrong thing. 

Leslie said, “He is. But, it doesn’t come from a bad place. He’s not mad at you in a way someone might be mad at someone else for being a jackass. His feelings come from a place of concern. I know it sounds odd, but us humans tend to be odd creatures. Does that make sense?” 

“Not really.” 

Leslie thought some more wishing Joe were there to help him explain. 

“Have you ever been so worried about something that you expressed it in anger or hatred?” 

Tom nodded. 

Leslie said, “Good. That is exactly how Joe feels right now. He’s so worried about you that all he can do is express it in being mad. He doesn’t mean it. Not in the slightest. He loves you dearly, he really does. That’ll never change. This has just startled him and his response is to get angry. I don’t think he could ever actually hate you. He loves you too much. And only wants the best for you. Whether you choose to believe that or not right now is up to you.” 

Tom took a breath, “Makes sense...it’s just...god I feel so damn horrible about all of this.” 

“It’s okay to feel that way. Don’t kick yourself in the nards over it.” 

Leslie was about to start speaking again but he was interrupted by a knock on the door. The men looked and smiled when they saw a tired and nervous looking Joe standing in the doorway. 

Joe asked, “Mind if I come in?” 

“Not a bit. You’re my brother after all.” 

Joe gave a crooked smile. Leslie gave him a side hug and got up, letting go of Tom’s hand. 

“Want me to leave?” 

Joe said, “Could you just step out for a bit? I wanna talk to him in private.” 

“Of course.” 

They kissed sweetly before Leslie stepped out. 

Joe took Leslie’s place in the chair and looked at his younger brother. The sight of him felt like a punch to the gut. It was as if Tom was an angel who had fallen from grace. A ruined shell of his former self. What was once full of life, now bitter and barely hanging on. 

The silence between the two was tense. Making it hard to breathe. 

Joe broke the silence, “He told you didn’t he?” 

Tom nodded. 

Joe sighed, “He said he wouldn’t.” 

“I asked him to. Pretty much begged. So if you’re gonna get even more pissed off, take it out on me.” 

Joe rolled his eyes, “I came here in the hopes of making things right, and all you do is slander me.” 

Tom looked at the opposite wall, not even wanting to look at his brother. 

“I like how you act as if I did this on purpose. With you being a psychologist I thought you’d be able to handle this better. Guess not.” 

Joe scowled, “Don’t you dare insult me like that.” 

“Wasn’t insulting you. Merely pointing out facts.” 

Without another word Joe flipped him off and quickly left the room, exchanging quick words with Leslie, then left. 

Tom was left in the room, crying silently. He hadn’t met to hurt Joe. But he had felt like a caged animal, and panicked. 

Leslie came back into the room, looking confused. 

“What the fuck was that about?” 

Tom shrugged and sniffled, more tears escaping from his eyes. Leslie’s heart broke and he quickly sat back down next to Tom. 

He held Tom’s hand and gave a firm yet caring squeeze. 

“Shh, Shh...it’s okay. You’re okay. It’s going to be okay.” 

Tom moved and cried into Leslie’s neck. Leslie just held him and let him have his moment. 

Leslie said, “I think you two just need some time apart.” 

Tom nodded and pulled away from Leslie, going to wipe his nose with his hand. Leslie shook his head and handed him a tissue. Tom thanked him and took it. 

He blew his nose and tossed the tissue into the wastebasket. 

“God,” Tom sighed, “this reminds me of when we were kids and would fight over every little thing.” 

Leslie smiled. 

Tom then leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Leslie’s entire body froze. Unsure of what to do. Should he push him away? Logically, yes. He wasn’t attracted to Tom in a romantic or sexual way. He was his boyfriends brother. 

What if this was just Tom’s way of coping with things? What if he was so overwhelmed with multiple emotions that he can’t think rationally. 

He couldn’t bear to hurt Joe like this. He slowly reached up and pushed Tom away. 

A few seconds passed and Tom looked like he was gonna cry again. 

“Oh my god...I-I’m so sorry...I d-didn’t mean-”

“It’s alright. You’re not thinking straight right now. Just don’t do it again, okay?” 

Tom nodded, “Please don’t tell Joe. He’d kill me.” 

“I won’t. I promise.” 

Tom ran a hand through his hair, “I’m so sorry, I’m an awful person...” 

Leslie shook his head, “No you’re not. Everyone deals with things differently.” 

Tom nodded. 

Leslie said, “I think you need to get some rest.” 

“Yeah...” 

Tom laid back down and Leslie helped tuck him in. Tom was out before he was done being tucked in. 

Leslie quietly and carefully left the room. He alerted his nurse that he was asleep again. Then went home. 

Once he got there he found Joe was already home. Joe was sprawled out on the couch, some nonsense on the tv. 

Leslie walked into the living room and shut off the tv. 

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” 

Joe nodded, looking completely drained of all energy and life. They silently got ready for bed. 

Once laid down, Joe curled into Leslie’s side. Leslie toyed with his hair and thought on the events of the entire day. 

Joe mumbled, “I didn’t mean to hurt Tommy like that...” 

“I know you didn’t. Needless to say you were both in the wrong. But in this situation it’s understandable.” 

“I feel horrible.” 

Leslie frowned and pulled him closer. 

Leslie said, “I think you two just need to spend some time apart. You’ll only feed off of each other.” 

Joe looked at his lover, “You’re a Saint...don’t listen to the stupid shit people say about you.” 

Leslie smiled, “I never have, but thanks for the reminder.” 

Joe laughed a little. 

Joe asked, “Does Tom have a plan for when he’s released from the hospital?” 

“He told me they’re considering placing him in a psychiatric hospital.” 

Joe nodded, “It’s what’s best for him. They can do more for him than we can.” 

“Yeah.” 

“It’s so quiet without him here though...” 

Leslie frowned, “It really is...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide hotline(US): 1-800-273-8255  
> Crisis text line: text ‘HOME’ to 741741
> 
> Comments are appreciated! ❤️❤️
> 
> This could also easily be titled, ‘sibling bickering doesn’t take a holiday’


	4. The box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Joe tidies up Tom’s room, he finds a small box containing some secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️⚠️Potential triggers: mentions of abuse, mentions of blood, mentions of cigarettes, mentions of self-harm⚠️⚠️ They’re all mentioned in passing though, nothing graphic.

Joe sat in Tom’s bedroom, head in his hands, elbows on his thighs. He took a deep breath trying to steady himself. Most of its contents were gone, now with Tom and Leslie in suitcases. 

Leslie was taking Tom to the hospital himself, thinking it would be too tense for Joe to take him. And as much as Joe hates to admit it, he’s right. 

It doesn’t necessarily mean they would’ve fought. Joe just doesn’t think he could handle seeing Tom so...meek. 

That wasn’t like him. Tom was always a very jovial individual, even in the toughest times. When their parents would be fighting as kids and they were hiding away in their room Tom always cracked jokes and made up outlandish stories to keep them entertained. 

Joe honest to god believes that Tom is the only reason he stayed sane in their house. Which made the guilt he felt for lashing out at Tom that much worse. 

Tom’s bed was still messy from the day he had tried to kill himself, he never did like making his bed. Or cleaning for that matter. 

His room was cluttered, but not a pigsty. 

Joe got up and made his bed, making it as perfect as he could manage. Then he cleaned the room a little. Placing books on the bookcase, putting the clothes still in the clean laundry basket away, and putting the dirty ones on the floor in the dirty basket. He made a mental note to clean those as well. He opened the blinds and cracked the window. Letting in sunlight and fresh air. 

He took all the dirty plates and cups to the kitchen, putting them in the sink. He went back to Tom’s room and continued cleaning. Dusting things and vacuuming the floor. As he did he tripped over something sticking out from under Tom’s bed. 

He cursed under his breath and turned off the vacuum. He bent down and picked the object up, he found it was a box with a lock on it. 

He placed it back on the bed and kept cleaning. But with each second that passed his curiosity grew more and more. 

Something in the back of his mind kept telling him to look in it. That it was important. 

After about ten minutes he stopped cleaning and grabbed the box again. He sat on the bed and tried opening it, wondering if it was unlocked. It wasn’t. 

He pursed his lips. He went to look for the key when he felt something on the bottom of it. He looked, it was the key taped to the bottom of the box. 

Joe rolled his eyes and mumbled, “Very clever Tom, absolutely nobody could’ve figured this one out.” 

He took it off and unlocked the box, upon opening it his stomach dropped. 

Inside was an old and bloody photo of him and Andrew, shortly before they left for university together. Back when things were still good between them. 

He looked into Andrew’s eyes, and saw the evil lurking beneath them. He had always sensed something was off with him, but prior to them leaving, he chalked it up to protectiveness. 

He later figured out that he was wrong. He’d always wondered if things would’ve gone differently if he had interfered when he suspected things were off. 

Which was before they had even gotten together. 

But Tom had been so happy to find a handsome man close to his age that paid attention to him, and Joe didn’t want to ruin it. 

Next to Andrew was Tom, and he looked ecstatic. There was excitement and hope in his eyes. Hope for the future, excitement for finally venturing off on his own. Excited that he finally had a steady lover. Not just one night stands, or week long relationships. Not a man who was only using Tom to get back at their ex. 

Someone who was finally, genuinely interested in him. In his stories. In his jokes. In his life. 

He sat it aside, unable to look at it any longer. 

He looked at the other contents. A pack of cigarettes, a lighter, some pain killers, a few small razor blades. But it was what was at the bottom of the box that really caught his attention. It was a small and well worn notebook. Bent and torn at the edges. 

He picked it up and opened it to the first page. 

He felt horrible about intruding his privacy like this, but something in him kept urging him to do so. He read the first page. 

Written in Tom’s messy handwriting was ‘Do not read! Unless you’re either Joe or Leslie. If you aren’t them, fuck off. If you are, hi, love you guys.’ 

Joe chuckled softly and shook his head, “We love you too.” 

He turned the page. Taking it as permission to read on. 

He leaned back as he read the first entry. 

‘12/3/18  
I think I have found the love of my life. His name his Andrew. He’s only about two months older than I am which is way better than the usual five year difference I have grown used to. 

He treats me as if I’m the only person in the world. And always listens to what I’m saying. It’s nice. We aren’t together yet but dear god do I wish we were.’ 

Joe couldn’t help but smile. His brother had always been a hopeless romantic, and lord help the person he had fallen for. Cause when he falls, he falls hard. 

He wanted to keep going, but he knew what was gonna happen. It was all gonna sour, and he didn’t want to read about it. He didn’t have it in him to read about the horrors his little brother went through. It made his blood boil. Nobody as sweet as Tom, well nobody in general, deserves to be treated like that. 

Beaten within an inch of their life by someone they have put their love and trust in. 

He carefully placed the items back, minus the blades, then locked it, taped the key back to the bottom, then put it back where he had found it. 

He disposed of the blades then put Tom’s clothes in the washing machine. Then he washed the dishes he had found in his room. Luckily none of it was too disgusting. 

Just as he was about done the front door opened and Leslie walked in. Joe smiled. 

“Hi Les.” 

Leslie smiled and took off his shoes and jacket. 

“My darling.” 

Joe blushed softly at the pet name. Leslie came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his cheek. 

Joe asked, “How was the trip?” 

“As fun as you’d expect a drive to the mental hospital to be. It wasn’t bad, just uneventful. He didn’t talk very much at all.” 

“Didn’t give you any trouble, did he? Didn’t cause a scene?” 

Leslie shook his head, “No,” 

Leslie stood next to Joe and rolled up his sleeves, drying the dishes Joe handed him. 

“He was fine for the drive,” Leslie continued, “But only had a little issues once we got there. Didn’t want to go in. Didn’t want to be there. Cried a little. But that’s typical in that situation.” 

Joe nodded. From his time working in a mental hospital he had seen numerous patients come in threatening to run off, threatening staff or loved ones, kicking and screaming, getting on their knees and begging to go home, loud sobbing. He felt bad for them, and tried his best to comfort them. But they didn’t always respond to it. 

Of course there were those who came in completely stoic, and some who came in cracking jokes. 

Leslie said, “I hugged him and gave him a pep talk though, and he calmed down.” 

“Good, I’m glad to hear it all went smoothly.” 

“How was your day?” 

Joe shrugged, “It was alright. Pretty uneventful. I cleaned Tom’s room for him. Figured it would be nice to come back to a clean one.” 

Leslie smiled at him, “That’s nice of you. I’m sure he’ll be so happy about that.” 

Joe nodded. He debated telling Leslie about the box he had found, opting against it only because he didn’t want to stress him out more than he was stressed. 

“Yeah. I just...just felt bad for how I’ve been treating him. I know it’s not right. But I’m just...” 

“Worked up?” 

Joe nodded. 

Leslie said, “There’s no shame in that. It’s normal.”

They finished up with the dishes and Leslie pulled Joe in for a hug, kissing his shoulder. 

Joe whispered, “Remember when you used to be all gruff and angry all the time?” 

Leslie chuckled, “Mm-hm.” 

“You’ve softened up a lot, and I love it.” 

They kissed slowly, small smiles on their faces. And in that moment Joe felt that everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide hotline(US): 1-800-273-8255  
> Crisis text line: text ‘HOME’ to 741741
> 
> Comments are appreciated! ❤️❤️
> 
> Next chapter we’ll be getting more into Tom’s plot! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Tom meet for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️⚠️Potential triggers: mentions of homophobia, disownment by parents, eating disorder, bullying, scars⚠️⚠️
> 
> Also, sorry for not posting yesterday!

Will sat on the uncomfortable bed with his back pressed to the wall, flipping through The Canterville Ghost. Sunlight was streaming into the room, illuminating the otherwise dull room with a soft golden light. 

He had been told that he was getting a new roommate and he would be lying if he said it didn't scare him a little. His last one, who had been discharged two days ago, was a real piece of work. 

He wasn't horrible by any means. Never attacked Will, never attacked any of the staff. But he didn't hesitate to show he was uncomfortable being roomed with Will. Simply because he was gay. And also because he didn't speak. 

Will glanced out the window at the tall tress, blue sky, and birds. It had been months since he had been outside, and he had to admit that it was starting to get to him. He pressed his hand to the window, feeling the heat on it caused by the sun, if he strained he could hear sounds of animals and other humans going about their lives on the other side. 

Three months. Three long months Will has been held up inside. They had outside time, but Will wasn't allowed to. Too weak, too vulnerable. Is what they said to him. They say that once he hits a healthy weight he can go outside. Until then it's no exercise and no outside. 

He sighed and went back to his book. He finished the chapter then sat the book down on the small desk they provided. 

He cleaned his half of the room, it wasn't a disaster, but he didn't want to seem like a slob either. 

As he did that a picture feel out of one of his books. He bent down and picked it up. 

It was a photo of himself, his sister, her husband, and their parents on his sister's wedding day. Just six years ago. 

Will had a large smile on his face, and life to him. Something that had long since gone. A few months after the wedding, when will was still only 15, they had caught him kissing a boy. And it all came crashing down. 

He was disowned, but spared the harshness of the streets by his sister and her husband taking him in. 

His parents found out and weren't thrilled, but figured so long as he wasn't with them, it didn't matter. But that meant at family functions and holidays he had to deal with their brutal slander. No matter how much his sister, Sara, and her husband Michael tried to stop them. 

He also had to deal with the bullying at school, they may have lived in a city but coming from a prominent family, word spreads fast. 

They made fun of his sexuality, weight, appearance, basically anything that Will was obviously insecure about. 

He quickly put the photo away and took a steady breath, trying to redirect his attention. 

Luckily he didn't have to try too hard because a few seconds later there was a knock on the door. 

It slowly opened and one of the kind nurses, Lauri, poked her head in. 

"Will, your new roommates here. Are you ready?" 

Will nodded. She walked in and a short boy trailed in behind her. The first thing he noticed about the boy was that he looked terrified. The second thing he took notice of was the bandages on his forearms. 

Lauri turned to the boy, "This is your roommate Will. He's a selective mute so he won't talk to you. But he is more than willing to communicate through writing. So don't think you just won't be able to interact with him," 

Will blushed a little. 

She then turned to Will, "Will, this is Tom, he's your new roommate. I think you're going to like him much better than the other one." 

Tom waved awkwardly and Will waved back. Lauri showed him around the room and told him where his stuff went, all the while Will watched, perched on his bed. 

He hoped he didn't come across as a creep, he just wanted to figure the new boy out. There was something about him that captivated him. 

He just couldn't figure it out. 

Once Lauri left it was just him and Tom. 

Tom looked at him, "I'm gonna take a nap. Is that okay?" 

Will nodded, picking his book back up and opening it back to the page he had left it on. 

Tom got in the bed and laid down. Once Will was sure he was fast asleep he peered at the boy over the top of his book. 

He had dark brown hair, that curled ever so slightly at the ends. He was pale, probably from whatever he had done to himself. Most patients came in looking incredibly pale. Their bodies response to trying to process a shock to it's system. 

It was obvious that this kid had been through something severe. Not the usual spike in depression, or anxiety. Not a sudden traumatic event. Rather something that had been brewing for a while. 

He could see it in the way he held himself. And something deep down in him ached to be able to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide hotline(US): 1-800-273-8255  
> Crisis text line: text ‘HOME’ to 741741
> 
> Comments are appreciated! ❤️❤️


	6. NOTE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read it, I’m begging you.

So, I know there’s a lot of conflict surrounding these kinds of stories. There’s the problem of romanticizing and fetishizing mental illnesses and what not. Thankfully, I haven’t had any issues yet. But just in case, before it happens, I’d like to clear a few things up. 

A good chunk of this plot is based off of things I myself have experienced personally, or secondhand. So I’ve lived through these things, and struggle with the aftermath with them to this day. 

This is basically a vent fic. A way to get it all out there in a way that’s helpful for me. (Cause let’s be honest I suck at talking) 

And if you find this fic helps you guys work through things as well, I’m glad. 

But in no way am I trying to make this seem all cutesy and everything. 

Much love and stay safe ❤️❤️


End file.
